Too Bad the Holidays are over

I can totally think of a few people who need this Sarah Palin toilet paper.

Or a John McCain punching bag.

Savage Chickens Cartoon

This Blog Would Be Dead Without Sarah Palin

The idea of her being VP or President is so absurd that we just have to talk about it. I almost wish we, the America people, were being punked. That's almost what it feels like. A bad practical joke show, like the ones on TBS or USA. I normally don't like practical jokes, but I would accept this one with open arms.

Anyways, Tina Fey came back to SNL this weekend to do a completely spot on impression of Sarah Palin. The rest of SNL sucked, but this is great. Check it out.

*This is a new video from before, since NBC pulled all YouTube videos but they're cool enough to post their own stuff. Thanks NBC!



And while we're at it, this next vid makes me feel better. It's women in Alaska protesting Sarah Palin. Just drive-by shots, but you can read some signs.

Oh, Craigslist....you make me smile.

I wish I could buy this poster a beer:

Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture

FLAGGERS: Over half the United States population has legitimate concerns about what will happen to their pets after the rapture occurs. Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted. Again, over half of the US population feels that this is a concern to them. If there is a specific problem with the ad, please email me. Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don't know. Only the Father knows."
(Matthew 24:36)

"For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
(1 Thessalonians 4:15–17)

Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.

I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.

For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.

If interested, please email me for my PayPal address (you can also send me a check if you prefer) so you can assure that your pets will be taken care of after Jesus comes to take your soul to heaven. $50 is only a small price to pay to know that while you are enjoying everlasting bliss, your pets will be cared for until their end days. Thanks and have a great day!

Please do not flag this ad. It is very serious.

Reserve A Spot In Heaven!

Sick and tired of going to church every Sunday?
Feel like you just aren't praying enough?
Worried about eternal damnation?

Well, worry no more! Reserve your spot in Heaven, today!


If not...there's always somewhere else to reserve space...

Grandmas+Activism=Super Cool

Now, that's one way to say 'F*** you, Iraq war!'...with pink yarn.



I've also found some really cool activist knitting. Check out these body count mittens...I was thinking of making some, but I hope there won't be a need to by the time it gets cold.

The Only Acceptable Reason To Have a Wedding

is so that the groomsmen can do a surprise dance to Thriller.

Watch this video.

I can has teh gospil?

Ah, the hazards of masturbation:

I'm Voting Republican Because....

Cyanide and Happiness Comics

Smart Kid

This is Llana, the daughter of my friend Stephanie. The kid is well on her way to being Juggernaut material one day.




And she has a very concise and correct assessment of Intelligent Design:




I can never have children now, for fear that they will never be this cool.

Because This Blog Has Gotten Way Too Serious:

Top Ten Reasons To Masturbate:

1. Horny
2. Stressed
3. Bored
4. Tired (before you go to sleep-it can really knock you out)
5. You finally have some alone time
6. Relieve cramps (girls only, obviously....unless you....ok, nevermind)
7. Some one else is doing it for you
8. Good workout
9. It's a 'hobby'
10. You are doing laundry anyway (Oh! Get it? Do ya?)
    

Got any more?



Lauren

Bumper Sticker FTW.

Photo taken by Carly Ann in Sikeston, MO on Wednesday, May 21.

Fun Facts

I was reading this book today, and I learned some interesting things from it....

More Ikea catalogs are printed every year than bibles.

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is ten times more effective than Valium.

It is cheaper in India to have sex with a prostitute than to buy a condom.

In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, DC, is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual positions is considered illegal.

Texas is the only state that permits residents to cast absentee ballots from space.

The day after President George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004, Canada's main immigration website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site averaged about 20,000 visitors each day.

The fertility rate in states that voted for George W. Bush is 12 percent higher than states that favored John Kerry in the 2004 presidential election.

George Washington spent about 7 percent of his annual salary on liquor.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

Quebec City, Canada, has about as much street crime as Disney World.

There are at least two reported instances of British college students auctioning off their virginity on eBay.

Residents of an Austrian village called Fucking voted against changing the name in 2004, but did replace their road signs with theft-resistant versions welded to steel and secured in concrete to stem their frequent theft. (The name is pronounced to rhyme with "looking.")

Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide their body odor-hence, the custom of today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.


YAY!


Lauren

Bad Questions To Ask A Transexual

You all have got to see this video. While the reason it was made is really sucky (don't even get me started on LGBT rights and treatment and whatnot) it's quite hilarious.

Enjoy!





Lauren