Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Live Blogging the Second Presidential Debates

7:22pm

Tension mounts as we anticipate seeing McCain get pwned like a mofo. In the meantime, Bigfoot for president!

I think we need to elect Maddox for President. He's the man - and he would own this debate if he were running.

Ryan is 97% erect. (This means that his one inch penis is "erect.") He also wants Lauren to stop transcribing. She won't. Bitch.

7:32pm

We've caught the last few minutes of 8 Mile. Yay. (Sarcasm from Lauren and genuine from JT and Ryan.)

Jt and Ryan say that Eminem is a poet. One of the greatest of our times.

7:36pm

KEITH OLBERMAN RULES! Right now he is pwning McCain. I think it's safe to say we would all do him.

Face off in 22 minutes!

JT predicts that McCain will say 'maverick' 14 times overall.
Ryan predicts that he'll say it 15 times and will be horribly offensive.
Lauren predicts that McCain will blow goats. 16 times.

7:42m

We're back to watching 8 Mile. Joy. (Sarcasm from Lauren and seriousness from JT and Ryan.)

Best scene in the movie! End scene! ZOMG! Transformation from boy to man! *splooge*

Questions that we hope are asked:
  • In your personal opinion, do you believe that Yaweh will damn all non believers to an infinite afterlife of pain? -Ryan
  • To Obama-Most economic experts agree that the foundation of this economic crisis began in 1995 with Democrats and Republicans, but mostly Democrats, implementing policies that allowed Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to lend to essentially anybody. I realize that the plan was muddled by the Bush administration, but can you at least accept, on behalf of your party, at least some culpability? -JT
  • To McCain-You say that we cannot take Barak Obama's word on what he is going to do. You say we need to look at his record (of course, his record confirms what he will do). You, on the other hand, are now running on a campaign of change as well, after you have voted with George Bush 90% of the time and 95% of the time on economic issues which have run our economy into the ground. Can you defend your record against your promises of change? -JT
  • At what point is violence towards the American government an acceptable means of political change for the American public? -Ryan
  • Why did you choose your VP candidate? Are you fully confident in their abilities? -LA
8:01

Debates starting! Omgz!

The moderator kind of looks like a corpse. He says that I don't have to be constrained at home! Hah.

McCain looks intense. But that's probably because his arms don't ever move. Like a robot's.

Obama looks smexy.

First question is a softball for Obama, he's gonna rock faces! Obama is dodging the question and attacking McCain. Schwoops. Oh....ok, he eventually got around to it. He's starting off on the offensive, good work, Obama!

PUDDING TIMESSS!! Yay.

McCain looks awkward and is being super creepy. He started with platitudes....gah. He talks about accountability in the same breath he says we are going to fix the economic crisis by lowering taxes on *everybody*. Wow.

McCain: "I know how to do " No real explaining how...just saying he knows how. Lower taxes? Affordable houses? I like all these things! ...how are you gonna do it?

McCain's overall speech seems vulnerable and shaky while Obama seems pretty calm and confident. Bones!

Obama has finally grown some claws. Good job, Barrack. They're both using a LOT of fluff, and I hate it.

McCain: Bailout = Rescue. Symantics. Tries to justify suspending his campaign.

Lauren reminds JT that having a laptop on your lap lowers your sperm count. Protect your nutjuice!

McCain wisely calling Obama on the Democrats culpability for subprime loans. Doing so dishonestly though, and still not answering the question. I hope Obama bites back - he has more ammunition.

Same as above - we're gonna have to stabalize home values. Yes...how?

Obama - Demonstrating a solid understanding of the subject matter, ignoring attacks, answering the question. Kudos to Obama.

Still no "Mavericks". JT is likely to beat Ryan's prediction at this point.

Obama calling McCain on the Republican's deregulation (which fucked up Clinton's plan on subprime mortgages). Again, good. Obama has facts at his fingertips and is speaking less in platitudes at this point. This is the Obama I'm excited to vote for.

Brockaw: Are you saying it's gonna get worse?

Obama: Going back to fluff. Damn. Also, it IS going to get worse. Stop telling them what they want to hear and tell them how it is.

McCain - Talks about buying up bad loans. This is a bad idea.

Lady asked how she can trust either of them when both parties are culpable. Seems like an easy response for Obama: "I wasn't there. He was though." Instead, he's hitting talking points on solutions. He's also shooting down McCain's counterarguments before McCain gets the mic. I like seeing that.

McCain: "I've taken on special interests" Bullshit. No senator has received more from oil companies. Also, McCain is terrible with bipartisanship. He's not defending his involvement or responsibility. "Liberal spending record". Good god, please use more buzz words.

Please, everybody - research what this jackass is saying. Factcheck.org owns McCain, and you'll see it all tomorrow.

omg, Obama wuntz a planutareeum - scienz is teh wtf devul - ask Palin.

McCain: "I know how to fix the economy." - THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN DOING IT YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH!?!?!?!

McCain resembles some sort of cross between a turtle and Jabba the Hutt.

"I know how to reach across the aisle." Wow, something else he knows how to do but, strangely, hasn't been doing. Weird!

Obama - Admits that being free of Middle Easter oil is a goal without a plan. Ug. At least he's honest. Obama says we need to dump money into education. I like him more now.''

Ryan and Lauren are going to attempt to shoot a fly on the wall with his air soft rifle. This can't go wrong, right? Lauren totally hit its wing! Suck it, Ryan!

Stupid Obama wanting to support science, doesn't he know science is just supported by the Devil? Geez...

All kinds of none-to-subtle implications about Obama and Democrats conducting business in the middle of the night.

"We'll get to work right away" WHY NOT GET TO WORK NOW!?!

Obama - He is winning. Hands down.

Brockaw - How would you beat bad financial habits?

Obama - Empty speaking. We have to fix the problems. Yes, we know that...how?

On to attacking McCain. Not answering per say, but doing so eloquently and with the force (ie facts) as his ally.

McCain - "Last President to raise taxes in economic difficulty was Herbert Hoover". Bullshit. Remember "No new taxes" Bush Sr.?

"I've got some news Senator Obama, and the news is bad" What's the news, jackass?

"I don't support reducing taxes for the wealthy." Bullshit. Click here.

Brockaw should have let Obama respond. McCain knew he had the last word and flat out lied.

Obama throws a straight-talk express dig. Good. Obama talking about how he's going to provide health care now. Using facts, explaining HOW. That makes me happy. In the pants.

McCain - "It's not that hard to fix social security. We know the problems and we know the solutions" WHAT ARE THEY?

McCain still using buzz words - primarily "liberal" Those kids who are playing drinking games are probably halfway there to being under the table. MAVERICK!

Holy shit..."We have to get smart people together and come up with solutions" Three sentences ago you said we KNEW the solutions!

"We'll get our economy going again" HOW!?!

McCain seems to get more dishonest and bitey when he knows he has the last word. He is flat out insulting the moderator as well. Cockbite.

"We can...clean energy...millions of jobs...we as Americans...best workers...etc" HOW??? HOW YOU MERITLESS SACK OF ROBOTIC SHIT!?!?!

Obama just had a home run! Yays.

Ohhhhh....they're getting feisty. This 60 second time limit is tough to enforce. Kind of makes me feel bad for Brockaw.

McCain keeps pulling petty punches against Obama, which he seems to be handling with grace. Wootz.

McCain - "Obama voted for the alternative energy bill loaded down with goodies" Yes, it was - Obama tried to get them stripped, and tried to get them stripped in a subsequent bill. Ultimately, it was too good for alternative energy not to vote for. So this claim is disengenous.

Obama is super awesome. Orgy! Butt orgies!!! (These last two words have been the only two that Ryan has written this entire time!)

McCain keeps giving the people who ask questions blowjobs....Ohhh you're sooo smart! Thanks for the zomg awesome questions! *splooge* ...Puh-lease.

Yup. Companies who can afford to give their employees healthcare do so. Like Walmart.

I'm worried that Obama's pushiness on time, in contrast to John McCain's overemphasized passivity, may work against him.

"How will this current economic hardship affect America's ability to act as a peacemaker in the world?"
Well, first we'd have to do that in the first place, which we don't. Then we'd have to get the UN's approval, which we don't have.

9:02pm

Man, I wish Lauren's "2" key wasn't so fucked up. I also wish that we could have a 30 second per round freestyle battle rap instead of debate. That would be much more entertaining. Maybe they'd come up with something original, instead of just paraphrasing their speeches.

We're cookin' a pizza! WOOOO!

Ryan is not trying to get JT to play hoops with him tonight. It ain't workin'. Sucka!

You know, just 'cause we have this fuckin' laptop doesn't mean that you can't turn your goddamn head and just fucking say whatever the fuck you want me to understand.

I am super cool and can type really fast so FU!

Jt says that's true.

Ohhh the nominees are getting all schoolgirl bickery again! Follow ups, follow ups, follow ups!

P.s.-Obama is kicking McCain's ass. Oh snaps!

Ryan and JT just fist bumped hardcore after seeing Obama's reply to McCain's "speak softly and carry a big stick" shenanigans.

Oh no. Oh HELL no. McCain did NOT just say that he knows how to get Bin Laden. Blackmailing your country into voting for you because you "know how to get him" is fucking unethical! See Keith Olberman's eloquent spiel on the whole thing here (fucking brilliant!).

Look, Iraq is a clusterfuck! We have not won there! Gah.

The fly is back! We're shooting at it with the airsoft gun! Take that, bug eyes!

9:28pm

We're running out of blogging steam....this live blogging stuff is tough business. No joke.

LAST QUESTION! YAY!

Looks like Claire McCaskill is sitting next to Michelle Obama, cool!

We is eating pizzas now....yayyyy....

Well hot damn, McCain can't predict the future! Who knew?

McCain's wife is super young, yikes.

9:35pm

End of debate comments:

McCain handled himself as though he were a high school bully. Obama handled the debate well and was agressive only when necessary. I think McCain spoke primarily in platitudes and fluff while Obama yeilded facts with ease. Obama easily won this debate. -JT

Obama was obviously better than McCain. Between the two, he won. However, it was not his best speech. While he provided lots of substantive facts, he spoke in political rhetoric. Fuck his international policies (Then he threw up the double deuce). -Ryan

Obama did very well in the debate. He was articulate and offered his stance on the issues. I liked how he was agressive and blew apart McCain's obviously unsound arguments and blatant lies. I was a little worried getting into this but he totally pwned McCain's face. Plus, McCain insulted the damned moderator, what a fuckface. -LA

3 comments:

The Ember said...

As someone who could not watch the debates live, I totally dug this.

Colin said...

invite me over next time! pretty please?

Justin CF said...

Next time you do something like this, you should use actual live blogging software.