Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Letter to the College Paper's Editor

So Tuesday, our group, Team The Juggernauts (the atheists you love to hate) had just finished packing up the Brother Jed Carnival. We raised $300.00 for Heifer International, a charity which allows you to buy livestock for destitute villages around the world. All the credit goes to the wonderful student body and a psychotic yet well-intentioned man named Brother Jed. Thanks, kids!
We used your money to buy live rabbits and chickens for six villages.

Anyway, we were naturally famished after a long day of saving the world, so we figured we'd go crash the Student Government Association banquet that they'd planned instead of a meeting.
You know, nom half a dozen slices of pizza each, stuff some brownies in our pockets, steal a couple 2 liter bottles of soda, and roll. We're pirates. We can't help ourselves.

So, anyway, about six of us stroll up to the PSU's fourth floor ballroom, and instantly we freeze. Here we are, half of us dressed in full pirate regalia (as our religion dictates), one of us holding a Satan costume complete with red trident and mask, and me wearing a freshly markered "Satan is my Homeboy" T-Shirt. Every one of us dirty and slimy and sweaty. Resting before us are dozens of tables surrounded by all the normal SGA kids in swanked out suits and dresses.
We're not talking buffet, people. We're talking courses. China plates with cake, salad, chicken... table cloths... more than one fork... the whole shebang. So between the time we hightailed it out of there and the time we arrived back at our base of operations for exorbitant amounts of self-congratulatory pizza, scrambled eggs, and beer (for the so inclined), I got to thinking.

How much is this costing you?

All this talk of missing money, of SGA waste, of cutbacks, of rising tuition, and we're still throwing massive bling away for a big end-of-semester party strictly for the bourgeois Student Government kids? And there's not even free pizza? What shenanigans! Call me ignorant, but I had no idea this kind of stuff was going on right here on our little campus. I knew the charlatans who run this country were blowing our money, but I never thought that it went so far down.

You know, I inquired, and someone told me that last year's banquet cost $300.00. That sounds lovely, but it just makes you wonder what someone could do with $300.00, doesn't it?


LArtsy said...

Word up, G!

....silly SGA, funding is for kids!

nisemono3.14 said...

I personally am just the slightest bit torn on this.

I of course see the lunacy of this situation. Of course it is wasteful. Of course it is an intense waste of money and effort.

Still, if SGA was doing a lot of good for the world, I wouldn't be so opposed.

Volunteers deserve to have recognition. They just need to put the effort in first.


Ryan said...

The thing is, that money shouldn't be going to feeding SGA kids fancy food.
SGA pulls money from the school budget to help the students, just as SGA does. This is far too much money that's not going to that cause.

Heck, I would have a problem if we used money that was supposed to support the Flying Spaghetti Monster cause to throw a congratulatory meal.
Just as I'm a Pastafarian, I'm also a Senator for SGA, and it's my duty to speak up.

nisemono3.14 said...

1. I agree that it is ridiculous to have a china-and-sterling meal.

2. As far as I can tell, SGA really does jack shit for the students, or at least has done jack shit under Hodges control. Therefore, I don't see why they get a celebration banquet to begin with.

I just want to make sure that your complaint has to do with the lavishness, not the idea of having a "fuck yes, we rock" meeting.

We have "fuck yes, we rock" meetings for volunteers. It just happens that we don't have a budget to buy our beer and pizza with. If FSM had the budget SGA plays with, I would certainly push to have organizer pizza parties after massive events. It helps to boost moral and encourage future involvement.